Lately things are not the way they used to be. I don’t know if it’s because of what you are doing now, that is transforming you the way it did before, or if it’s because of US. I don’t think it matters after all, the result is the same. We’re not like we used to be.

I don’t understand your reactions anymore: Twice in 2 weeks you started yelling at me for no reason. You put everything on me, you go crazy over nothing. I know I’m annoying sometimes, I know I’m not easy because of the problems I have, but that doesn’t allow you to react like that.

I did everything I could to help you go foward, and to help you become the man you are right now. I’ve always supported you, when everybody was letting you down (and even your family). After all, I’m maybe stronger than I thought. But since last week, I’m weak again. What I thought was strong is falling to pieces again, and once again I don’t know why. I have the feeling that I’m being taken for a fool and that no matter what I’ll do, or say won’t have any impact on the situation.

Maybe that’s fate, maybe that’s how things were supposed to end. Mayb I should have stopped it when it happened the first time. But I was feeling so terrible without you. I was feeling guilty, but why? Because you pushed me away? Because you weren’t able to let me in although you were there thanks to me? I might be really psycho sometimes!

And on top of that, you keep saying I come first, but I don’t. You still didn’t get that what you say has to suit what you do, otherwise it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe all this doesn’t make any sense. You know that F. thought so. I know you’d say that F. isn’t objective because he’s jealous or whatever, but C. isn’t and he thinks the same… And your bro, and M. and probably many other people! In my family too. And when we think about it, and try to look at the situation in a objective way: maybe they are right. We don’t share many common points, you don’t want to live where I live, I don’t want to live where you live. How’s it gonna end? I don’t know, but I think we’ll know soon enough… 

 And tonight you left. You are with them. THEM! The same ones who criticize us, the ones who have to faith. The ones who wish they had you for themselves, and wish I wasn’t there. The same ones you say goodbye to me for. I want to stand up and look at them and smile, like I didn’t know what they really think. I used to do that. But I can’t anywmore, I won’t. I did that for too long, with you, with them, with him… I can’t anymore. Tonight I wish I could fade away. I wish I could… Because our relationship will experience no miracle, I should just go, and let it go…