So many things are going on in my head…

How did we end up like this… HOW?

I remember our first conversation like if it was yesterday, I was talking to you about the scares of my day, about anything and nothing. It was such a long time that we hadn’t talked but still, I almost had the feeling to talk to an old time friend. I knew some stuff about you, most of it were bad I have to say. I guess we could say it was thanks to the ATP gossip channel, yeh that must be it. I actually realized later, that what I heard, which was already bad enough, was only a little preview of what you had done.

Me who is so quiet, so romantic, so everything that you are not, HOW did I fall in love with you?

I thought I was more clever than them, the ones you used flirt with, and usually more. I still hope I am. To convince mysellf I try to think this way: when feelings are involved who can talk about “being clever”? Seriously? You just go where your heart beats, and he used to beat for you. He probably still does, I’m sure he does. But something broke. You know when sometimes you hit a fragile thing, but you can only see a tiny little damage on it? You think it”s fine, that you can fix it, and you can. And you hit it again, and fix it again. But at some point that fragile thing just tear apart, and fall into pieces in your hands, without that you can hold all the pieces together. Maybe you and I together, could hold this together. Because this fragile thing is my heart, and you are the one who has hit it so many times… But you’re blind, selfishy blind. You don’t take me seriously, you blame me for not being fine, when you should blame yourself for not being able to make me happy. That’s your “job” after all!

You will never realize how much you hurt me, neither make things better, because you don’t want to face the problem, you always run away, or close your eyes like a kid in front of a scary thing.